WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
