It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
