garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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