Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
