I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
