Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
