Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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