the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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