we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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