Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
