This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
