Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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