I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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