OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
