craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
