i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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