Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
