just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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