A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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