Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
