i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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