Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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