i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
