Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
