is your mom at the bar?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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