So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
