Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
