My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize