i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
