my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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