I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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