The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
