Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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