Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize