Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
