Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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