It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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