You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
