i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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