I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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