I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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