She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
