there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
