she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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