You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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