I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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