Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
