Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
