no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
