none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
