; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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