I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
