About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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