so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
