its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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