I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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