i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
