I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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