Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
