I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
