I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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