my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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