it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
