I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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