You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
