Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
