i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
