I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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