So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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