wrigley field is MILF paradise
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
