this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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