tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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