Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
